DAY 3

I'm am tired and ill and generally low today so I'm pretty sure I won't write anything particularly entertaining. Jaw shit has been a little bit less today. Hard habit to kick

Me and Millie and itasca did create the idea of punkalife and I decided that that was the name of a punk brand of butter with a metal stud in every fiftieth tub. Good luck. But that was yesterday so I should think of something about today

We made Sellotape sculptures, chiara started collecting little samples of everything from hair to gum for her project and I did say that if she really wanted to commit to it, well, she does have a boyfriend. And what are boyfriends if not dispensers of a sort. I like chiara a lot she's friendly and fun to be around.

I'm aware of the risk of this blog being very diaryish which wasn't the point but I don't mind a little bit of that stuff. The problem is I don't want to get obsessed with writing everything that happens to me cos then I end up like Alex who diarises obsessively and I would feel pressure and no.

I did say on the first post that this blog could be insightful too and seeing as I'm not feeling up to much today here's some more sort of sad and emotional thoughts I had while listening to 5:15 and the angles have gone and tunnels.

A bit of context, last year I became so powerfully attached to a group of people from the bhasvic play. That became one of the most important experiences of my life. I was there at the birth of a friendship group and, although I already had a good group of very precious friends, I felt like a really important member of the group. We talked a lot about what we liked about eachother and our sadnesses and dreams and insecurities and stuff and they made me feel incredible and loved and so special. Poppy, jack, Gabriel, Chloe, emeline, emily, maddy. Then the group drifted because the play ended and we really tried but it's hard when that was our only common time and now everyone's gone of to uni and stuff. Even since starting city I have seen my other group only a very few times.  Even Georgia, who is possibly my best friend and we texted all the time. We haven't texted in days, although she is texting me as I write this so yay. Also recently I've got really into spring awakening and I'm forming some strong bonds with them and I've got some good friends in city. And I love it. But I feel guilty and sad that I am sort of replacing these people who at one point were my reason for getting up. That's a sad thought, that you make all these bonds and then they are just gone and you make more but the same thing happens. Ephemeral stuff is a bitch. It was so important and probably one day I won't even be able to recall the feelings. None of us will. It's all lost. To be replaced by stuff that will also then be lost. And it'll probably get less significant everytime like how everything you recycle card it gets more shit.

Poppy, jack, Gabriel, maddy, emeline, Emily. They were the angels. It's 5:15

I had angels down as a metaphor for my own bullshit problems but it seems the angels aren't in me they're in them and throw they're gone

Shit.

shitting shit shit.

Anyway, there we go, different style of blog today and I'm keeping it up 3 days later