HIATUS

I missed yesterday cos it all went wrong and I was sad but I think just for this spring awakening week I will put this blog on hiatus because I can't cope sorry back after this week for some super depressed show finished emo shit

DAY 48

Ok I know I missed one I was confused and I should've dealt with it today but I've been off sick because this week is show week and im desparate to be healthy. We did it with costumes and the band yesterday and I think it's gonna be really good. I finally got my solo right and things feel good. The cast is so warm and I love it all so much when it ends I'm gonna crumble I swear Jesus fucking Christ why do I ever get attached to anything. Fuck.

DAY 47

There was ridiculous thunder tonight and I think it's cos god was angry about the themes af arranged marriage, traditional gender roles and animal cruelty that were so heavily glamorised in the John Lewis penguin advert

DAY 46

I have literally or at least almost literally woken up just to write the fact I have just woken up to write this and have nothing to say. I wrote an awesome advert today so I'll post that tomorrow and that can be my writing for the day yes good ok the pixies are brilliant

DAY 45

I am sleepy. To be honest I'm still revelling in the insanity that was yesterday. I mean, before yesterday I had kissed one person, made out with three more, nine if them were a big deal or lasted more than a few seconds I don't think. Then that, then THAT, then all that. And it feels good. It feels relieving and like it went pretty well and it has done some really nice things to my confidence. A couple of doubts seem to have occurred to me but I think that's just late night blues.

Also first proper therapy session today. Interesting. The jaw stuff is getting ridiculous so it was needed. He has some interesting ideas and I really want this to work. Although if it does work and I become more relaxed then I might not be the me I am. Idk it's all a bit wierd.

Also I looked pretty in the mirror just now, in a kind of slightly hedwig showgirl kind of way. I wanna feel pretty and I think it's good to notice when I do. I want to notice my own happiness. I want to find less addictive comfort in the sadness

DAY 44

I am staring at this screen with no idea of what to say so I'm writing about the fact I don't know what to say.

Today has been the wildest sexiest day

I'm not sure I will write the details on here because I don't know who will see this but things happened and I love the cast and I am different in some ways but I feel a bit like I'm made of fire or something

Wow

So many

So many nice things were said to

Your body is beautiful, I'm proud of you, you're my favourite in the cast, you're one of the best actors, you're well endo- you get the picture

DAY 43

Jesus

This is happening.

So much has built up to this moment.

Well not this precise one

 But tomorrow.

Holy shit